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The Importance of Sentence Structure

The boss had to fire somebody, and he narrowed it down to one of two
people, Debra or Jack. It was an impossible decision because they
were both super workers. Rather than flip a coin, he decided he
would fire the first one who used the water cooler the next morning.

Debra came in the next morning with a horrible hangover after
partying all night. She went to the cooler to take an aspirin.
The boss approached her and said: "Debra, I've never done this
before but I have to lay you or Jack off."

"Could you jack off?" she says. "I feel like shit."

sent in by Vickie
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A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"

The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry."

Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"

He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."

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As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!". 

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The newlyweds are in their honeymoon room and the groom decides to let the bride know where she stands right from the start of the marriage.

He proceeds to take off his trousers and throw them at her. He says, "Put those on."

The bride replies, "I can't wear your trousers."

He replies, "And don't forget that! I will always wear the pants in the family!"

The bride takes off her knickers and throws them at him with the same request, "Try those on!"

He replies,"I can't get into your knickers!"

"And you never bloody will if you don't change your attitude."

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How are women and tornadoes alike?

They both moan like hell when they come, and take the house when they leave.

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Q. What's the difference between love and herpes?
A. Love doesn't last forever.

Q. What's the difference between tampons and cowboy hats?
A. Cowboy hats are for ass holes.

Q. What doesn't belong in this list : Meat, Eggs, Wife, Blowjob?
A. Blowjob: You can beat your meat, eggs or wife, but you can't beat a blowjob.

Q. How do you get a nun pregnant?
A. Dress her up as an alter boy